I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
