I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
