DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize