apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
