I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
