forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
