there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
