I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
