I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
