So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
All I want is dick and wine.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
