So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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