I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
