I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
