She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
