Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
And the cops told us we were all naked.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
