Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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