I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
