when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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