bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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