well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Randomize
