I hope mine doesn't look like that
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
