I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
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I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
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I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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