Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
