This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
