just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I deserve this hangover.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
