Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
