kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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