I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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