That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
