yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
