is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
