Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
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