Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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