I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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