Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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