...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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