someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
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