he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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