you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I just googled if crying burns calories
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
