Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
