Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
