just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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