i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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