Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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