i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
A bitchslap is in order.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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