My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
