I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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