I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
