Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
