420 ftw
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize
