i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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