is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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