Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
