you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
