You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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