once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
