Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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