I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Randomize
