I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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