just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
