OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
