i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
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