you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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