I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
