i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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