I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
