oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
