you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
