i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
No subtext here. People are naked.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
