Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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