McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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