those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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