It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
