Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
