I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
