oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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