if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
