took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
