I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
