I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
